Why Pastors Cheat


Why Pastors Cheat

Jezebel3I recently read an article entitled, Men: Protect These 7 Women by Watching Yourself,” written by Joe McKeever.  I must say it was a great article. Please take a look at the article. McKeever does an excellent job citing examples.

The article was written to men of the church warning them not to ignore direct and subtle signs. He emphasized for pastors to put up certain boundaries and safeguards to protect not only themselves, but also the women.

The article addresses seven types of women that men pastors need to be aware of.  The author is trying to offer some sound advice so that pastors will go into this thing with both eyes open to the subtle tricks and traps of the enemy.  Take a look at the list:

Watch out for . . .

  1. The other woman who wants to be your wife – (this is the woman who is ‘unhappily’ married; she’s your biggest fan and you are everything she wants in a man)
  2. The other woman who wants to be your mother – (this is the woman who smothers you with attention, cooks and buys you stuff)
  3. The other woman who wants to be your lover (Proverbs 5:1-5 speaks of this woman.  This woman is especially dangerous if the relationship between you and your wife have grown stale; she wants you and will make sure you know it; she will convince you, “no strings attached.”)
  4. The other woman who wants to be your best friend (This woman wants you to confide in her and wants you to confide in her.)
  5. The other woman you want (This woman seems to be everything you want in a woman; in her presence you feel a certain type of way, BUT you’re married…)
  6. The other woman who doesn’t know what she wants (This woman is the mixed up and needy woman.  She is always coming to your office. She may not be anything to look at but the danger is you can become emotionally drawn to her.)
  7. The other woman you work most closely with in ministry (You frequently meet with this woman to discuss ministry matters.  It’s the constant meetings ‘alone’ that shouts, ‘danger!’)

Many pastors have paid the ultimate price for sexual sins.

It is a pride issue when pastors believe they have so much anointing on them that they do not have to put up appropriate boundaries.  It’s like they believe they have so much Holy Ghost on them that it gives them ‘Superhuman’ strength like that given to Superman.  The problem is that the allurement of sexual temptation is a pastor’s “kryptonite.”

Many have fallen.  Think about it, even though King Solomon was the wisest man of all; it was the allurement of sex which brought about the division of his kingdom. Pastors have destroyed their families, marriage ended and have lost their churches.

The price and stakes are just too high to make such a gamble on a game that Satan plays all too well.

She doesn’t have to look like a ‘Bay Watch Babe.’Jezebel2

McKeever also points out in his article, the women that often time trips up pastors is the ‘everyday’ church woman meaning you can’t pick her out of a crowd.

She blends in. In fact, McKeever cites that she doesn’t haven’t look like Jezebel, adorned with makeup and designer outfits.

I always wondered about this how men in general would end up having affairs and their mistresses have nothin’ on their wives in terms of physical attractiveness.  Sometimes the wives are ‘Bay Watch Babes’ and the mistresses are ‘Bay Watch Beasts.

I believe it was Mike Murdock who once said that a mistress has learned to talk to the ‘king’ in a man while the wife insist on speaking to the ‘fool’ in a man.  That is why the mistress can look like the back end of a baboon and he finds himself drawn to her.

The stakes are just too high.

Why take the chance in losing it all: family, spouse, church and reputation? Billy Graham, the Christian Voice of America had a spotless career of scandal because he put up certain safeguards and boundaries.

These days as we hear about preacher after preacher falling from grace, it is imperative that one be intentional in honoring God, one’s spouse, family and church.









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The Sisterhood Reality TV: Preachers’ Wives Behind the Scene

The Sisterhood Reality TV: Preachers’ Wives Behind the Scene

I just reviewed the trailer for the upcoming show called, “The Sisterhood.”  It is a Reality Show about the lives of Preachers’ Wives. Although I am not a die hard reality show ”groupy,’ I must admit that while washing dishes, I have tuned into a few shows and have found some of them entertaining.

I received a personal invite from one of the male pastor’s to review the trailer.  After reviewing the trailer I wrote back and told him that I was a bit fearful, but that I was intrigued and would be tuning in Jan 1, 2013 on TLC Network @9PM.

These type of shows, like anything else, can have some advantages as well as some disadvantages. There is no doubt in my mind that the backlash will soon begin from the Christian community, especially as the debut date draws near. This is why I said I was a bit fearful.  If you don’t know anything about this community of believers, it is that we can be very critical and very judgmental AND have a loud voice in expressing our opinions. And of course to the unbeliever, again it shows us as divisive.

A Sneak Peek

It looks as if the main theme behind the show is to let us view what is going on behind the ‘curtain.’ We are getting a peek into the intimate lives of these preachers’ wives: their habits, their hangups, their responsibilities, their past, their feelings, their frustrations and their joys.

The trailer clearly points out that preachers’ wives can run from being very conservative to being very radical.  We see a clip where one of the wives is getting a tattoo. An argument breaks out between a two of them and there is an expression that “It is so hard to be a preacher’s wife.” Clearly these five women want us to see things from their perspective and for that I reason I will be tuning in.


I know 20 something years ago we started a weekly women’s ministry. One of the things we found was when a woman finds out she is not alone in dealing with some issues, it aids in healing and aids in coping.  People would open up about their lives and would share what they did to get past some things.  This was so beneficial.  Knowing that you are not the only one, can liberate people and give hope.

Perhaps this show will do the same, but on a larger scale. Perhaps the show can be a blessing especially to other first ladies and to the greater body perhaps we can pray more for our first ladies and demonstrate our appreciation for their ministry as we may begin to understand the pressures they may be under.


As a Toastmaster, I have to ask the question, who is the REAL ‘targeted’ audience?  If it is regular congregational members, will they be edified by the ‘peek’ behind the curtain? If the target audience is ‘other pastor’s wives,’ will they  be liberated and healed?   If the target audience is for the general public, will week after week be enough to keep everybody tuned in or will the network cause the five preacher wives to compromise standards for ratings? hmmm….  just some thoughts.

Could we be giving the world another opportunity to mock and laugh at the church? hmm… Will we be contributing to the world’s view of the church not looking any different from them? hmmm….  Only time will tell. Either way, I have learned to ‘Eat the meat and throw away the bones’ so we will see.

I will be conversing about the show on both my Facebook and my Twitter page so stay tuned.

Marriage Resource Tools

figting for marriage

Pastors, our church just finished up a great Wednesday Night Live Service.  It was a four week workshop series on Marriage and Living Single facilitated by two pastors.  I don’t want to use this blog to tell you how great it was.  Woops, I just did.

I would like to focus on the fact that people responded.  Both classes were jammed packed with eager people wanting to learn.

The attendance frankly blew our minds. People in both workshops were faithful in coming out every week.

Now why do I mention this?  Because as pastors, we need to be about meeting needs of people and being relevant. The divorce rate for Christians is about 51%.  It seems obvious that married Christian folk are having just as much trouble keeping it together as Non-Christians.

Face it, when our relationships are off course, it simply affects every area in our lives.

  • It affects how we relate to our children and how much patience we have with them or others.
  • It affects our job performance
  • it affects our Spiritual lives
  • It even affects pastor’s performance from the pulpit (c’mon tell the truth and shame the devil!)
  • it causes us to lean towards unhealthy vices that just end up making things worse.

Marriage Resource Tool (Take a peek at the overview video below)

That being said, I wanted to share with you a marriage resource tool I found.  The organization is called, The Art of Marriage.”   Go ahead and click and peruse the site.  They offer a 6-session dynamic video series: 1) God’s  Purpose & Plan, 2) Drifting Towards Isolation, 3) Husband/Wife Roles, 4) Resolving Conflict, 5) Intimacy & Sex and 6) Leaving a Legacy.

Your church can actually sponsor a conference and will be provided with all of the tools you need to plan, promote, and host an event. Here are six value-adds that I know you will find beneficial:

  1. The promotional material comes with the deal. (Already designed: brochures, flyers, posters, door hangers, save the date cards, web banners and even power point presentation for your church announcements)
  2. 30/60 second Pre-recorded public service announcements are available also with scripts
  3. Seven videos to assist you in promoting your event
  4. You can register your event on ‘The Art of Marriage‘ web site so others can find your event
  5. The ‘Cost Calculator.‘ This tool is used to assist you in determining the cost per couple.
  6. If you would like to start small with an intimate group you can do that too by purchasing the Study Group Curriculum.

This site also provides articles for those who wish to get married as well. Prayerfully, I can find a compatible singles resource tool as well. And if it is out there, I will find it and share it with you.

The harvest is plentiful.  We tested the waters in our church, throwing out our nets on the other side of the boat and guess what, we caught a lot of fish. It is Satan’s desire to destroy marriages and families.  Here is an opportunity  to not only invest in our sacred union but also to fight for our marriages and fight for the stability of our families.

Take a look at the videos and see whether or not you could manage this project at your church or in your ministry.  I believe it is a good start for dialogue as it also offers up practical solutions.

Let me know how it works for you and whether you enjoyed the video.


Bishop Eddie Long’s Wife Returns and Speaks Out


STAY or GO? – STAY! At a recent meeting with the women’s ministry at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, Vanessa Long spoke about her personal struggles during husband Eddie Long’s sexual misconduct allegations in 2010.  We could tell she wrestled with the decision with whether to stay or to go as she announced that she was filing for a divorce, then rescinded, then filed again.  And now she is back again and revealed an intimate part of her life with the women at New Birth.

HURTING, ANGRY, SHAME, EMBARRASSED! She stated that last year she was in a storm and she got off the ship.  She stood before the women bare, saying “As much as I love my husband, my family, my New Birth Family,  I could not take another minute PRETENDING to be OKAY.” This spoke to the pain she felt.  The infamous MASK church folk usually wear was off.

AIRING DIRTY LAUNDRY. I must say that I respect Bishop Long and the leadership of New Birth who gave her the platform to share what many churches have come to term “AIRING THEIR DIRTY LAUNDRY” instead of hiding them like most churches do.  I believe it speaks to humility and a greater concern for the healing, restoring and reconciliation process.

HEALING TAKES TIME. As I write this post, I am happy for Vanessa, Bishop Long and the New Birth family. However, counselors, both secular and Christian, would agree that before Vanessa can help minister to others, she will need totally healing.  I would suspect that that wound is still open and susceptible to a great number of triggers reminding her of those painful events.

NO APOLOGIES. NO FAILURE.Vanessa tells the women of New Birth that it was also extremely difficult to return because she felt like she failed the very people who needed  her to be their strength because, they too, were in the storm and they elected to stay.  To that I say, “WHAT?#! But they were NOT the wife.” That’s not reasonable. How could you give out strength you did not possess yourself? “How could you minister strength to others when you needed ministering to?

ENTITLED.Vanessa was entitled to do what she needed to do for the sake of her sanity. And for that, she owes no one an apology.  Eddie was her husband.  When you get married you become ONE. She needed to get away to preserve herself for how ever long she needed.

THE SPIRIT WORKS! I am happy that Vanessa allowed the Spirit to give her the strength to return, pulling up the ‘LOVE RESERVES’ to make a bold move in order to extend forgiveness and to reconcile.However, it must be said that before she can minister to others, she needs to be ministered to. Weighing in on her statements it is clear that her healing will be a work in progress.

LEARN FROM OTHERS. Lastly, I pray that all pastors truly realize that ‘betrayal’ cuts deep and is extremely painful for SIN extends and has a long reach as it impacts everybody attached to you or who has things in common with you.  As pastors, I pray we learn from the painful experiences and mistakes of others lest we too, fall prey to the traps of the enemy and risk losing it all.

May God Bless the Long & New Birth Family

What are your thoughts on the video clip? What sayeth you?