Why Pastors Cheat


Why Pastors Cheat

Jezebel3I recently read an article entitled, Men: Protect These 7 Women by Watching Yourself,” written by Joe McKeever.  I must say it was a great article. Please take a look at the article. McKeever does an excellent job citing examples.

The article was written to men of the church warning them not to ignore direct and subtle signs. He emphasized for pastors to put up certain boundaries and safeguards to protect not only themselves, but also the women.

The article addresses seven types of women that men pastors need to be aware of.  The author is trying to offer some sound advice so that pastors will go into this thing with both eyes open to the subtle tricks and traps of the enemy.  Take a look at the list:

Watch out for . . .

  1. The other woman who wants to be your wife – (this is the woman who is ‘unhappily’ married; she’s your biggest fan and you are everything she wants in a man)
  2. The other woman who wants to be your mother – (this is the woman who smothers you with attention, cooks and buys you stuff)
  3. The other woman who wants to be your lover (Proverbs 5:1-5 speaks of this woman.  This woman is especially dangerous if the relationship between you and your wife have grown stale; she wants you and will make sure you know it; she will convince you, “no strings attached.”)
  4. The other woman who wants to be your best friend (This woman wants you to confide in her and wants you to confide in her.)
  5. The other woman you want (This woman seems to be everything you want in a woman; in her presence you feel a certain type of way, BUT you’re married…)
  6. The other woman who doesn’t know what she wants (This woman is the mixed up and needy woman.  She is always coming to your office. She may not be anything to look at but the danger is you can become emotionally drawn to her.)
  7. The other woman you work most closely with in ministry (You frequently meet with this woman to discuss ministry matters.  It’s the constant meetings ‘alone’ that shouts, ‘danger!’)

Many pastors have paid the ultimate price for sexual sins.

It is a pride issue when pastors believe they have so much anointing on them that they do not have to put up appropriate boundaries.  It’s like they believe they have so much Holy Ghost on them that it gives them ‘Superhuman’ strength like that given to Superman.  The problem is that the allurement of sexual temptation is a pastor’s “kryptonite.”

Many have fallen.  Think about it, even though King Solomon was the wisest man of all; it was the allurement of sex which brought about the division of his kingdom. Pastors have destroyed their families, marriage ended and have lost their churches.

The price and stakes are just too high to make such a gamble on a game that Satan plays all too well.

She doesn’t have to look like a ‘Bay Watch Babe.’Jezebel2

McKeever also points out in his article, the women that often time trips up pastors is the ‘everyday’ church woman meaning you can’t pick her out of a crowd.

She blends in. In fact, McKeever cites that she doesn’t haven’t look like Jezebel, adorned with makeup and designer outfits.

I always wondered about this how men in general would end up having affairs and their mistresses have nothin’ on their wives in terms of physical attractiveness.  Sometimes the wives are ‘Bay Watch Babes’ and the mistresses are ‘Bay Watch Beasts.

I believe it was Mike Murdock who once said that a mistress has learned to talk to the ‘king’ in a man while the wife insist on speaking to the ‘fool’ in a man.  That is why the mistress can look like the back end of a baboon and he finds himself drawn to her.

The stakes are just too high.

Why take the chance in losing it all: family, spouse, church and reputation? Billy Graham, the Christian Voice of America had a spotless career of scandal because he put up certain safeguards and boundaries.

These days as we hear about preacher after preacher falling from grace, it is imperative that one be intentional in honoring God, one’s spouse, family and church.









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20 thoughts on “Why Pastors Cheat

  1. I talked to a brother today concerning this. This brother is going on eighty years old. He said beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. He knew this guy who had a fine wife, he gou caught up in an affair and he killed the girl friend. I talked to another guy ge said his wife was better looking. But the other lady had more junk in her trunk. When the wife found out it cost him his marriage. After the separation the lady with the junk in her trunk wanted to get involved with him. He said he wanted nothing else to do with her, the junk in her trunk was no longer an attraction. It cost him his wife and children.

    The brother told me today, it is the novelty, like buying a new car. He was the same way with his wife when they first meet. Everything was NEW!!! Remember the PASTOR is a man first. It is the man in him.

    THE OTHER WOMAN, THE OTHER WOMAN, She is not the blame. The Bible says men are drawn away by HIS LUST!!! It is the lust that the man or woman gives into. The mind tells them both he is this, she is that. She is sexy, only to find out that she / him has some underlining issues behind her junk in the trunk- or his handsome face.

    WATCH OUT FOR -I agree with each point that is made 1-7. They all have been used as an excuse to please the flesh. The Pastor / Man at the point when lust is in control, they both are only thinking of a sensation that will be gone after a few minutes. Those few minutes has caused him to take aids home to his wife. I talked to another brother he was married. He was not a Pastor he did not get involved with women that he worked with. He would pick up prostitutes off the street, and he said that he did not use protection. Again lust has a mind of its own, you can not rationalize it. This is why God has given his Spirit, to lead. And we have experiences in the bible, who has given into such self indulgence. We are only thinking about our self. We are taking advantage of the trust, that such relationships bring.

    Last week I talked to a brother who has a wife that looks like something in a center fold. He has meet a lady on the job. There is no comparison when it comes to looks. He said that he can laugh and be himself with the other lady. She looks to him, and appreciates his insight. His wife wants to rule him. I am not making excuses, just trying to establish the fact that the reasons WHY is different in every case. But what is the same is After IT IS ALL SAID AND DONE, EVERY ONE HAS LOST. Plus the man is soory, because he did not get what he was looking for.

    We need to use Joseph as an example in the Bible. Talking about being tested. He had several opportunities and you could say– Joseph could have justified his actions. Being sold by his brothers, put in prison for doing that which right.

    We have talked about THE OTHER WOMEN.
    Some brothers has shared that the reason they went out was the wife was not interested in sex. She would not show any interest, or she was to involved in work or what every. Or she would do it out of DUTY. Again not making excuses for the man. Some men that have the BABY WATCH BABES, find more pleasure watching porn, again no reflection on the wives. No one can compete against LUST.

    We have set guide lines for the opposite sex, what about guide lines for the same sex. This sister came home from work and found her husband in the bed with a man.

    We need a blog on, how do women deal with D-DAY!!! This is the day that she found out that her world has been turned in a direction that she was not expecting- or one that she had feared. How do she go forward, – HOW DO SHE DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH OF –
    The Other Women.

    With out fail every man who has shared with me concerning the other woman. They all had one thing in common. After it was all said and done- THEY REALIZED THAT THEY HAD THE BEST HAND ALL THE TIME.

    The other woman has not won. Because she is got to live with if he did it with me- he will do the same thing against me. Another brother shared, he was married, the woman was married. They was having an affair. She would stay out all night with him. Put on a hospital band on her wrist and tell her husband she was in the emergency room. His wife died and her husband died. She called him up and wanted to hook up. He told me that he could not trust her, because he knew the tricks they use to do together.



    • You need to start a blog too as you have a lot of good insight. The target audience in the above post is to address Male Pastors. The theme is to recognize the signs and subtle traps of the enemy and the recommendations are to be applied so that they can LESSEN the chance of them falling captive. For the most part, I do agree with your comments above.

  2. Thank you for getting me on track.

    I will try it from this perspective-
    Being BORN AGAIN – seem to be a good place to start. Some of the Male Pastors come into the ministry to make some money. Some of them see it as a means of retirement. If you come into the ministry for the wrong reason, how can you do what is right. The foundation need to be founded on the Word of God.

    We so often point the finger at the enemy. No one wants to be accountable for their choices.
    We fault the Pastor after the damage has been done. What if the establishment would be held accountable for endorsing, men who shows no sign of SALVATION. This could help Male Pastors to wake up. If the standard first and foremost was higher this would LESSEN the chance of them failing captive.

    I am speaking of putting checks and balances in place that would act as a preventive measure. To me we allow the wolf to come into the chicken coup fully dressed in his wolf attire.

    Something else may help, A MALE PASTOR SUPPORT GROUP. A place were Male Pastors
    can share with other Male Pastors. Especially at those times when they feel like they are getting weak. Having some one to talk to could help you to talk your self out of the snare of the enemy.

    There is or was a book in print-
    SEX IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE -by Peter Rutter MD.
    The THEME of the book is when MEN IN POWER CLERGY and others BETRAY WOMEN’S

    The book will help Male Pastors- Plus it gives true stories of the price men have paid. It explains the destruction of the family. It even deals with the PHYSIOLOGICAL reason why men fall into the trap of the enemy. One of them is some men are in need of healing. And have been taught to believe that women especially sexual intercourse is the answer. The book breaks it down.

    The book could be used as a STUDY GUIDE FOR MALE PASTORS.

  3. I had the opportunity to interview another minister. Something interesting came up. Another reason why Pastors cheat– He said that women are attracted to the anointing that is in the man.
    they think that it is the man. The Pastor some times get caught up, with the attention / devotion they show him. He told me that some Pastors do not come to the understanding that it was never about him until after he falls.

    I have been considering you advice to start my own blog. For some reason I enjoy following the lead of people who are making a difference. Plus what you wrote is helping me to stay focused.

    Bro. Mike

  4. Pastor cheats because his wife would not have sexual relationship with him.
    Who is at fault? Non responding wife, is it a subtle trick of the enemy. And when she did have relationship with him, her mind was some were else.

    The Pastor repented, but the wife had trouble forgiving.
    Two wrongs do not make a right. Now the Pastor agree that he could / should have talked to his wife. And he wish that he had exercised patience. Taken the time to understand what his wife was experiencing. The wife was going through some personal issues. She was faithful.

    We can use this as an example not to allow our flesh to control. The wife said that she has been just as frustrated with his sexual performance -but she never cheated on him.

  5. Carla Chats, Why Pastors cheat- is on time.
    Men2Men had a meeting yesterday. We are working with another Pastor who will be dealing with this subject. The name of his organization is – FROM THE PIT – TO THE PALACE.

    Yesterday he explained why pastors lose sight of their purpose. They forget that the lady may be fine as wine. But behind the mask / public persona many are broken. God has given him what he needs to minister to her brokenness. But he put more significance on his fleeting sexual pleasure.

    Is designed especially to HEAL & RESTORE Pastors.
    Because of the nature, of such a ministry. Your identity will not be revealed.. You must be a Pastor or serve in some significant Leadership position. And your position puts you at risk of abusing the trust that these women have invested in you.

    You do not need to go through this alone.
    We are there to let you know, God’s MERCY IS MORE THAN ENOUGH.

    We would like to thank Carla Chats for the opportunity to use such a platform.

    Bro. Mike

    • I think you are right to preach about this Mark. It’s right and prpeor for you to share within the fellowship what you have been doing through your sabbatical and where and what you feel the lord has been sharing with you and how He has been shaping you through this time. Being an example to the flock as a pastor means that you also have to share your own troubles and victories within the context of Biblical living; taking the masks off your own life will help the congregation to do likewise. Through your knowledge and helping the congregation to know about your position within the narrative story of the church, it will help them and you to know their own position within the narrative story of the church and therefore build on a greater sense of the collective purpose of the church in Gods greater scheme of things within your community.

  6. Pastor Lavern, from the Pasadena area is in the process of setting a platform that is going to deal with these types of issues.

    You will get to hear it from some whom God has forgiven, they are going to explain how God’s Grace can Deliver you.
    Will keep you informed.

    Bro. Mike

    • I can sure resonate with what you are syinag. As I’ve thought about my own challenges in this regard I’ve hit upon several things I’ve found helpful. First, I always try to remember this great quote from Stanley Hauerwas: You have to take time to do that which can be done at anytime. I repeat that about as often as I repeat the Serenity Prayer which is pretty often!Second, I keep in mind something I learned while listening to an Andy Stanley speech: Decide out front what’s important and learn to say no to everything else. Even though he’s a mega-church superstar, he gives 45 hours a week to the church and the rest to his family and everyone knows that’s the deal. (I’m sure there are weeks when that’s not necessarily the case!)And, third, I try to watch for how life – like kudzu- encroaches upon me and how one commitment I might make today soon sprouts 5 related commitments. We lose time in the same way we go into debt .one purchase at a time. Hope that helps. From one who struggles with the same struggle ..

    • i disagree for one prriamy reason- the sermon is the proclamation of the Word of God. hence its object is to be theo- rather than anthropo-centric. the minute you turn the focus away from God and to yourself the very act of preaching is abandoned and the sermon becomes nothing more than a monologue.if you were to talk about the pastoral office brian’s right, do it in the context of the spiritual gifts which all members of the body of christ possess. then you can illustrate that point (the pastors part in the body of Christ) through anecdotes and testimony.this is an important theological point, mark. the sermon must never BE ABOUT the sermonizer, it must be about God and his work.brunner and barth also make the same point.

  7. One reason a minister / man who has an attractive wife will cheat. With a woman who looks like the back end of a baboon. Lust will distort reality. The man allows himself to be caught up in a state of mind that temporary shuts down his rational mind.

    Most men after it is all said and done realize that they have made a big error. Especially when the wife is not just attractive. She has strong morals. She is faithful!! And she is a practical person when it comes to running the house and taken care of business.

    A lot of times it was just one isolated time. Never to happen again. And the man will spend the rest of his life trying to let her know that he really loves her!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Truth is relative. Knowing the truth will still make you free. We can not change the past. And yet insight that is relevant will help our present situation. Going forward such insight will become a shield.

    • Jim, I think you are being way to reductionistic.The role of the patsor is not just to preach. Especially the senior patsor. Timothy was a patsor; he was also told to do the work of an evangelist. A patsors role is to also lead. Mark has clearly told the church he patsors he is taking a sabbatical from preaching this doesn’t mean he was no longer the senior patsor. Because of his role and his sabbatical; it is right and proper for him to share / testify about what has happened to him during this time; how the Lord has refreshed him and what he feels the Lord is saying to both him and the church during this time. It is right and proper for him to do so, for he is in a collective relationship with the church; they have released him to do so and so they are rightfully expectant to expect Mark to share from this time. Even Paul spoke and shared about his own experience at times to the church or have you not read that part of the Bible?

  9. I totally agree with your thhguots about preaching and pastoring Mark.However within the context of the advice you were seeking and the information you gave surrounding the context of that advice I think it was wrong of Jim to say that all who gave you advice were heretics. I am not convinced that the sermon needs to be the central part of every fellowship meeting. As you rightly say a testimony or a word of encouragement can be just as helpful at times. However; I firmly believe that every sermon needs to be Christ centred; it must point to Christ; reveal Christ and cause an outworking of Christ.

  10. A sermon well prepared, is one thing. But a life that demonstrates by example is hard to deny.
    I am convinced that The Fruit of The Spirit needs to be THE CENTRAL PART OF EVERY FELLOWSHIP. Even if a scripture is not read or a sermon preached.

  11. A Pastor told me the reason Pastors cheat is
    Women are attracted to his anointing. Especially if he can sing, preach and dance,

    And Pastors are attracted to women who has a certain mystic.

    He said the women will find out that behind the anointing, there is a real man. A man who
    has problems just like any other man.

  12. I talked to a Pastor yesterday who had cheated. He explained that you can not separate
    the man / minister. It is a man’s thing. Just so happens he is a Pastor. Realizing that
    he has a greater responsibility. However after it is all said and done. The shams, regret, and humiliation was the end result.

    His wife is left trying to figure out were she went wrong, why she was not enough? The anger
    of suppressing, and living as if nothing happened. They ended in divorce-
    He closed in saying Pastors need to realize that their flesh is no different. They to need to
    bring it into subjection to the Spirit. .

    • Bringing one’s flesh into subjection to the Spirit can not be accomplished by only prayer, but also by an ACT in the establishments of ‘guardrails’ as a preventative measure for which I believe the Spirit directs us to establish. There is a story in the Bible where a King goes to a prophet of God and asks if he was going to win a war he had to fight. The man of God asked him to hit the floor with his arrow. The king did so 3 times. The man of God was angry and told him you should have hit the ground 5 or 6 times then you would have defeated his enemy once and for all. So often we stop short and find ourselves fighting against the same battles again and again and finding ourselves entrapped in the enemy’s tangled web. Prayer and action is the answer to keeping us faithful.